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Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Fat Tuesday
Today would have been my mother's 77th birthday. Yes, I still miss her. Looking back I realize tho that the woman who was inhabiting her body from early 1999 when she had her cardiac arrest until she died in 2003 was not the mother who had raised me. I am convinced that being "dead" for however long she was down resulted in anoxic brain injury.

She was less accepting of people's differences. More quick to judge, and do so negatively. More critical. More angry. At the time I found myself avoiding spending time with her. Shortly after her death I found myself angry with her (not because she had died but because she had become so mean) and I never really mourned her dying. When my dad remarried I really saw just how mean my mother had become and I don't think my dad ever realized it but his entire view of the world was colored by her. The worst was how she treated my younger son. He has ADHD and was undergoing psychological treatment as well as occasionally seeing the psychiatrist. I asked my mother repeatedly to not interfere with how I disciplined my son but she always had to butt in and say mean things. She accused him of pretending to still believing in Santa to get more toys...he was only 8 years old. My dad developed a dislike for my son based on all the things my mother said about him (nothing nice). After our trip to visit dad and Janet in Nova Scotia last summer my dad told me he had really been impressed with Joey and really enjoyed him. He still doesn't realize that the prior dislike was due to my mother's brainwashing.

Janet has changed his life. He is no longer so easy to anger, so negative. Janet sees the good in everyone and she is so full of life and happiness. I am SO glad they found each other.

But, I really believe that, looking back, my mother's personality changed significantly after the cardia arrest. Not immediately but gradually. With this realization I can now forgive her for how she treated my son and move on.

I prefer to remember her as the slightly disheveled but loving mother who I dragged out of bed at the crack of dawn on her birthday in 1962 to watch TV with me when John Glenn circled the earth. She didn't even stop for a cup of coffee.

So now, thanks to Brenda, we all know the color of my brain. The description fits pretty good.

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.
posted by Teri Springer @ 3:50 PM  
  • At 9:23 PM, Blogger Flippytale Quilter said…

    Thank you so much for sharing your memories of your mother... as I get older I am realizing just how complex and valuable my relationship is with my own parents... certainly not like TV! I still have mine and cherish every good moment we have together. There was a time when I would have walked away from any relationship with them. I am glad I didn't...

  • At 1:13 PM, Blogger teri springer said…

    I'm glad you didn't too!


  • At 6:31 PM, Blogger Debra Spincic said…

    It's tough to come to terms with who your parents are and what they do but eventually, you just have to accept them as people. A very interesting post about your feelings for your mother. Thanks for sharing those insights. Wonderful your Dad has a new woman who can help him see life positively.

    If you are pleased with your new singleness, then Congrats!

  • At 6:45 PM, Blogger Anne Lullie said…

    I just found your blog through your PAQA post; Very timely thoughts about your mother...I,too, have a Mother who I have to admit has a very cruel side (as well as a creative side). As she is getting older, and more ill with stage four Cancer, she is reallly becoming difficult to deal with. I think there are many women like us, in this similar situations. It is good not to just deal w/it in silent shame..I always have limited the time my parents spend w/ my children, and discussed w/ them their feelings about the grandparents.It is sad they never had the perfect Nana, but it has always been interesting.
    I will try to check your blog now & then--I am not a good blogger! Just not enough time to do it all!

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About Me

Name: Teri Springer
Home: Chester, Nova Scotia, Canada
About Me: Studio Art Quilt Associates for the Atlantic Canada Region (New Brunswick, Newfoundland/Labrador, Nova Scotia, and Prince Edward Island). Quote:Apples and Wine: Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough & smart enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Now Men... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the hell out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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